I cannot tell you guys how thrilled I am that our big news is finally out in the open! And since my blog has pretty much followed my life for the most part from the beginning, I will definitely try my best to share weekly updates about my pregnancy and our little one moving forward. Weeks 8-13 were actually secretly written ahead of time, so I’ll be posting those updates throughout the next few days until we are all caught up. So, let’s dive right in.
In October, a few days after the time I figured I should have had my period, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. While I was over the moon excited for this new journey, I couldn’t help but feel a little concerned as well. See just eight months ago, Brett and I rejoiced in a very similar moment when I shared with him another positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, our baby didn’t progress past week six and ultimately I miscarried during week 12. So, as expected, I have taken considerate caution throughout this second pregnancy. And while Brett and I were extremely happy to learn that we were expecting again, we sort of reserved our excitement until after our first doctor’s appointment.
I’ve put so much thought into whether of not I should share my story about my miscarriage on the blog. Since miscarriage is common and often not talked about, I’ve decided that my experience is worth sharing – especially for those women that may have been left heartbroken by the loss of a pregnancy. My hope is that my story and thoughts can bring comfort and faith to those that are anticipating a healthy pregnancy in the future.
My first doctor’s appointment was scheduled at week ten for my first pregnancy. Since Brett couldn’t make the appointment, I asked my mom to accompany me. After my exam, my doctor tried locating the baby on a portable ultrasound scanner in her office. She had some trouble locating the baby due to my tilted uterus, so she requested a formal ultrasound. So my mom and I headed to the hospital next door and during my scan the technician quickly informed us that my baby was only measuring six weeks – when it should have been measuring ten according to my tracking. So, as you can imagine, I left the hospital emotionally distraught and highly confused.
The next day my doctor called to let me know that she was able to view my scans. She thought that the yolk sac looked healthy and requested that I get another ultrasound the following week to make sure that the pregnancy was progressing. While I was hopeful going into the next ultrasound, I quickly learned that my pregnancy did not progress at all. As the technician shared the news, tears immediately filled my eyes and I felt my heart cave inside. How could something so special be taken away from me so soon?
Fortunately, I was able to meet with my doctor right away, and she was amazingly patient and comforting. She explained that miscarriage was very common and also prepared me for what I should expect in the coming weeks. She also stressed to me that I did nothing wrong to lead my pregnancy to miscarriage and gave me hope for the future.
Even though I knew that this miscarriage was a natural occurrence, I still went home that day with so many questions running through my mind – Why me? Did I do something wrong? What could have I done differently? Will I ever be able to conceive again? Is there something wrong with me? The questions just kept coming and coming…and the anger, fear and sadness just couldn’t be controlled (especially during that first day).
In the coming days and weeks, with the support of my husband, parents, mother-in-law, family and friends, I was able to get past the worst of it all. While it ached a bit every time someone asked me when Brett and I were going to grow our family, I had to remember that they were truly just excited for our future and well-being. So I’d simply just smile and let them know that we were indeed trying. Every pregnancy announcement also tugged a few strings, but I knew I couldn’t blame others or be angry at such wonderful news that was incredibly miraculous. Deep within I knew that with time and prayer we’d rejoice again with a healthy pregnancy. So, I leaned heavy on my faith and trusted that this experience was just part of my journey, and that His grace was enough to get me through this challenging time.
Through this journey, I’ve learned to respect those that have had to deal with miscarriage, infertility or the challenges of adoption. It’s so easy to assume that couples will naturally want to grow their families, but what I think society should remember is that it’s not so easy for some as it is for others.
While this experience was difficult, I’ve also gained strength I never thought I could endure. With time the pain of my miscarriage has eased, but it will never truly go away. What I’ve learned to accept is that if I hadn’t had this miscarriage, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
And it also helps to remind myself of these wise words my husband shared with me right after we miscarried, “We’ll just have to love the next baby even more”. So, with that, here are some baby updates from weeks 8, 9 and 10.
8 Weeks: Baby is the size of a kidney bean.
[No bump picture]
9 Weeks: Baby is the size of a grape.
10 weeks: Baby is the size of a kumquat.
[No bump picture]
I promise I’ll get better at these. Since there really wasn’t a big difference in my belly these first few weeks, I didn’t really take many pictures.
8 Weeks: I had not weighed myself for quite sometime prior to finding out I was pregnant. So, I’ll start calculating weight gain from this point since I don’t know my exact starting pre-pregnancy weight.
9 Weeks: 0 pounds
10 Weeks: 0 pounds; I seem to be staying around my normal weight, which I’ve read to be normal during the first trimester.
8 Weeks: Consistent workouts considering it was the same week of Thanksgiving. This week I enjoyed two swims, a walk around the neighborhood and a body pump class.
9 Weeks: Three workouts this week: a swim, body pump and a 30 minute walk.
10 Weeks: Consistent, low-impact workouts. Walking, swimming and strength training continue to be my go-to workouts.
8 Weeks: I seem to become nauseous before meals. Once I’ve eaten, everything returns to normal. So, I’ve made a habit of eating smaller meals throughout the day. Since I first found out that I was pregnant I’ve noticed that my boobs have grown a bit and are extremely sensitive. Fatigue also comes in waves, specifically during late afternoons.
9 Weeks: Same as week eight.
10 Weeks: Nausea continues with no vomiting. I also experienced an afternoon filled with complete exhaustion this week which resulted to an afternoon nap (If you know me well, I am not a napper). Unfortunately, I also seem to constantly worry about any cramp or ache I feel down there, but my husband has been wonderful at reminding me that my body is going through drastic changes and that I need to let go and relax.
8 Weeks: Steak, which was a huge surprise to me since I’m such a big red meat eater. Brett grilled steaks for my parents and I this week and I could only bring myself to eat half of my meal. I also made taco soup this week and was turned off by the cumin within the recipe.
9 Weeks: Cooked vegetables.
10 Weeks: Everything except carbs and junk food really.
8 Weeks: Pizza, fruit (have been in love with satsumas), fresh salads, sweets, and basically all the carbs (yikes).
9 Weeks: Did I mention carbs?
10 Weeks: Bagels, pop-tarts (hadn’t ate one of those since high-school), fruits, and fresh salads.
8 Weeks: Normal.
9 Weeks: Normal this week, with 2-3 wake ups for the bathroom (which has always been normal for me unfortunately).
10 Weeks: Same as week 9.
Looking Forward To…
8 Weeks: Our first doctor visit went well and the doctor was able to confirm a heartbeat, but I’ll feel a little more at ease once we have a formal ultrasound. I’m doing everything in my power to keep our baby healthy and safe, but I can’t help but feel concerned every single day.
9 Weeks: We’ve shared the news with our parents and some close relatives on Brett’s side, but I’m really eager to share the news with everyone.
10 Weeks: Our ultra sound appointment this week. I’m constantly in a state of concern, so I know that I’ll feel a bit of relief after this appointment.
8 Weeks: No idea.
9 Weeks: No idea.
10 Weeks: Brett is determined that we’re having a boy. We’ll both be happy with either as long as the baby is born healthy.
Any Baby/Pregnancy-Related Purchases
8 Weeks: No, but I’ve already been drooling at all the crib and bedding options at Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn.
9 Weeks: No, we’ll probably hold off until we are past the first trimester.
10 Weeks: None.
Any Fun Stories?
8 Weeks: Our first doctor’s appointment was this week. As you can imagine I was filled with nerves. To ease the tension, my doctor decided to confirm the pregnancy right away using her portable ultrasound scanner. Since my uterus is tilted, we had a bit of trouble, but finally she was able to confirm the heartbeat. It was such a wonderful moment of relief.
9 Weeks: This week we were able to share the news with our parents and some close relatives on Brett’s side of the family during our travels for Thanksgiving. Everyone was overjoyed, but I couldn’t help but stress that the pregnancy was very early and that we needed happy thoughts and silent prayers. Brett’s Uncle Tralles’ reaction was by far my favorite. The news brought him to tears since one of his Christmas wishes was for us to conceive before Christmas day.
We were also able to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time the day after Thanksgiving. It was quite possibly the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
10 Weeks: This week we had our first official ultrasound at Sneak Peek Ultrasound. The experience was beyond anything I could have imagined. Our baby measured 10 weeks; 1 day, which was pretty much right on schedule with my tracking. We were able to see our baby move around a bit and heard it’s heartbeat again right at 159 bpm. I shed a few happy tears and also loved seeing Brett’s reaction to the images as I overlooked how in tune he was with our tiny baby. It was an exciting and happy day for the both of us.